Saturday, April 29, 2017


It's easier to live profoundly through words; writing all of your thoughts down is easier than talking about them. From one pain to the next, from one struggle to the next. I honestly don't know when everything inside get so damaged. There are good days when the healing process is going well, then there are bad days when the process is going rather slow, but then there are also those days where everything is just too much and the energy inside felt like it had been drained, all I wanted to do is simply give up and let the dark things win.

But then fate brought us together and it is as if being given a gift of a bright sunlight that illuminates the empty, broken spaces in me. You came with a pure intention, that you feels too much like a breath of fresh air in the midst of dawn.

Sweet words sometimes means nothing, but know that everything that I say came from the bottom of my heart. Yet there are still so many things that I haven't told you, so many things that I wish I could tell you. I appreciate the fact that you can talk openly about so many things to me. I appreciate the fact that you'd took the time to reassure me about myself, yourself, and about us. I appreciate the fact that you don't follow the social norms where we dance through some bullshit games. I understand that this might not be a new thing to you, I understand that it might not be the kind of special thing that feels like magic, but it is for me. But I'm sorry I couldn't give you much. I'm sorry that I'm carrying too much baggage. But thank you for always being a wonderfully kind, and patience person. Thank you for being so understanding and I appreciate the fact that you always listens to my obscure rant when you can easily ignored it. I know 'love' might be a strong word, and we can get so scared sometimes to use it especially when everything has only just begun, but I just need you to know that I appreciate the fact that you took the time to make me feel loved and reminding me that I am surrounded by so many good people with so many good love. I feel genuinely happy the fact that you're not easily scared by 'too much' emotions that I say and give out.

I understand that things might get difficult but at this point I've felt enough heartache in my very short existence so I don't really care what people are gonna say but I only hope that we're gonna help each other out if things are getting out of control. To preserve the good things, and what we have left within.

I know that there might be things that you still don't understand, and I promise I'll try to let you in little by little into this obscure mind of mine, even into the ugliest part of my past if you want and need to. I too will try to understand yours. I hope you never get tired of me, or sick of me. I am also writing this as a reminder if I ever get distant, it simply means I need to be alone with my own mind to figure things out as emotions can be overwhelming but it doesn't mean I want you gone, because you always put a smile on my face.

I also wanted to say thank you, for always bringing those light within you and shinning it out for everyone around you and for me. I am learning everyday to be more stable. I am learning everyday letting people—most importantly, you—in. I am learning everyday to communicate better, whether it is through writings or a face-to-face talk. I am learning everyday to trust: to let go of my fear and letting my guard down whilst also preserving what I have left and protecting myself (and yours). I am learning everyday not doing everything by myself. I am learning to be better. I am also trying to learn everything about you. I am also trying to learn to understand you. Trying is the least I can do.

Whilst you always tries to understand, I can only promise you that I will always try to learn new things everyday, so be patience with me as that is honestly the only few things on my (sort of) demand.

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