SO PISSED OFF, I MAKE YOU A LIST, ASSHOLE.

Some people say that we should always be grateful for what we have and not complaining or focusing on the things that we don't have.

Some people also say that family are the most important thing and be grateful you have one whilst other may not even have a family. But you know what I think? I think sometimes its full of crap. Surrounded by people like them are the most excruciating thing. I don't understand how they expect me to become less damage than I am. or expect me to rebel less. drunk less. smoke less. party less. study more. be smarter. be richer. etc, etc. Are you fucking kidding me? These people are so fucked up they judge you for being one too.

There are things I wish some people would just know;

1. if you come to this particular person often for advise etc, and they listens to you and even help you find the solutions to your problems without even judge you, don't fucking judge them just because they sin differently from you. especially when they tell you the things they might not tell you before. THIS is call trust, if you judge them, you're breaking the trust you guys created. (ISN'T THIS OBVIOUS PEOPLE?! ARE YOU FOR REAL?!) 
2. you can though at a certain point "judge" them, maybe silently, or when it gets too far and you need to intervene.
3. YOU are not MORE SUPERIOR than the rest of us. So don't be a prude or act like you're a saint, because you're not.
4. don't expect people to understand you, when you can't even understand them back. or simply put it, you want to be understood? don't act like a fucking jerk and act all selfish.
5. if you're gloomy or don't like who you are or who you used to be, don't share your negativity to the rest of us just because you can and just because you don't seem to want everybody else feel happy because you're not. You know, "don't feel sorry for yourself. only asshole do that." So just remember if you feel sorry for yourself, you're probably an asshole and in need a serious life make over. Just saying.
6. you can't expect someone to do everything for you, if you want them to do everything for you, hire a maid or secretary or something. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID. 
7. and if you want to get things done and want them right, DO IT YOURSELF, YOU LAZY ASS.
8. Truly, some people can be so kind, but if you make them hate you and you keep pushing them away, don't asked why its happening and telling God its so unfair when you find yourself all alone.

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Piss the fuck off

Toxic relationship is hard to keep. But for some reason, it is especially hard to let it go as well when you find that your family is one of the source of this 'toxic'.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to value your family as much as you let say, God. 

For some reason, my family isn't the safe haven I always needed, they sometimes only bringing me down or simply just made things worse.

But the worst thing that could happen would probably if you look up to someone and then they showed you their true colors and its not as colorful as you thought, instead their true colors are as gray and bitter. I hate it when that happens. 

I am physically and mentally tired of being judged and being controlled or be told what to do as its their responsibility to make me their doll. And as if everything that I do is irresponsible. Let me just say, NO. You are not me, you are not responsible for my actions. You can judge my actions but don't dictate what I should do. Just because I sin differently than you, it doesn't mean you should judge me.

I know that not everyone have the same heart as mine nor do they have the same mind as mine, but I sometimes just wish that some people fucking understand how opening up isn't as easy for everyone. How sometimes its nice to know that they could trust someone, but only to be judged afterward is just not a nice feeling. 

So for people out there who are so fucking judgemental, get your ass out of here. I don't need you and your judgy mind and opinions and I totally don't need your negativity nor your approval for the things that I do. I've always been the one that take care of myself, I don't need someone to start doing it for me.
Honestly, piss off mate.