Saturday, October 31, 2015

I wander so far 
Only to come back
To a place I used to called home

It turns what is familiar into an unknown essence 
And you (and I)
left me alone between the extremes 

But then I read about a woman
Who killed herself because
The demon in her head is savagely stronger than her.

Its fire lit her brighter
Than the light within. It made her
Embrace hell by lighting herself on fire

And so I wrote about a girl, Who 
is fierce but scarred
She embrace the light within but keep her demon at bay

With pure-gold love, 
She created a home filled with 
A glimmering shadows of mosses

She simultaneously turning things mundane, magnificent.
Her peculiar endeavors, blossoms
The ethereal beauty of the world in between.

But words sometimes turns prosaic,
You will always be an enigma to me
And the sturdy voice of chaos will always be a part of me.

So in the midst of the confusion,
I wander away 
To find myself and to find home.

So in the midst of the frustration,
I wander away
To break free from my demons (and yours)

Wednesday, October 28, 2015


When you're home but it doesn't feel like home, it feels instead like an abandoned house. 

Hello, how are you? Haven't wrote any post in awhile as I was on a vacation for two weeks and was also so busy with work before that. I was ALSO taking a break from writing as I felt like all the things that I wrote are filled with prosaic words and I don't want to waste any words. I don't want to write things or say things that I can't feel, and mean nothing to me. I don't want the things that I say or write turn into simply a noise; a white noise; an empty words. 

But I'm back now. I'm home. But it no longer feels like home. I don't feel like I'm home. 
Well, I do feel like I'm at home, but things aren't the same. Too much has changed already. It doesn't feel like coming back home, it only feels like coming back to a place that I always visited and come backs to. Home feels like an abandoned house; you know and you can feel that it is filled with memories but its been abandoned for awhile and now all you can feel is the feeling of being abandon. All you can feel is the trace of strong feelings you can't feel anymore.

I guess I'm adjusting again.

I guess I'm an empty vessel again.

I guess I'm trying to be okay again.

I guess I'm trying again.

I guess things should really be different now. Change for the better.

I guess I need to be better.

So much better.

The city is too pretentious and the people in it are also pretentious. I hope that this time would be better and if it doesn't I can be better so that I don't have to stay in it too long.

Let the war and struggles begin. I'll see myself at the finish line.

Thursday, October 22, 2015