Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I have thought about it many times.
Perhaps mostly because everyone besides myself seems to wonder when I'm going to find someone new. But I don't let it get to me. I'm not looking for someone new. I'm far from ready and I don't want to be in a relationship or have a crush with anyone. I just started to let go of my previous one.

There is a time for everything, and now is my time to heal. To grow strong and be whole in myself. Learn to live with myself, my scars and my memories. Learn how to feel safe within and not let that one single frightened voice in my head (the ego) stop me from having an open heart and dare to love unlimited. I've still got a lot of things to do in my life, i got too many dreams to chase. There is no time to chasing someone that is not worth my time.

What has been, has been. What is now is now. The rest is still unwritten.

Friday, January 20, 2012

"I believe in soul mates, but I don’t think that everyone has one, or that everyone will find their soul mate even if that person exists in the same historical era. I think it is also possible that your soul mate exists before or after you do and you find them through a book or a poem or a song."

Monday, January 16, 2012

Cedric and Krum are hugging.

Filed under: Reasons why i love Robert Pattinson (not Edward Cullen) so much.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I miss you, Dad

Its been two weeks after dad passed away, but i still wish and think that dad will come back. still thinking that he's just gone to somewhere and will come back home soon. i miss when he's being highly annoying everyday and i remember the last couple of day before he went to the hospital, I'm trying to avoid him because I'm not in the mood to hear anything from anyone. and he did see me going to the bathroom but he's not saying goodnight until.. today.

the last couple of weeks he always said to me, "you'll me miss me don't you when i died?" and then he laughed. it kills me every time i remember he said that to me. and realising that now he's gone, i can't ever feel his hug anymore. he's the only person who always proud of me, he always love everything i did. he always supported me no matter what. and the only thing that i wanna do when I'm scared is just stay with him. i still can't believe that he's gone and i can't meet him anymore. i just always think that its too fast for me, but if the only way so dad won't feel any pain anymore, i think.. its okay? i guess?

tired with school, dad usually help me with everything. now i got no one to help me.. well i got someone but no one could really help me and understand what i needed to do, only dad does. well he sometimes don't get it but it took me awhile to make him understand, well it took my mom for awhile. i just feel lost without him, everything feels incomplete without him. i just wish that he's here and could see me someday making him proud because everything that he do to me.

you regret somethings last, so do everything that you should do like show your parents that you love them. because we never know what will going to happen next. enjoy your weekend and have a great month ;)

I miss you, Dad. Always.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Rest in Peace, Daddy ♥

Dad. in entire of my existence i never not proud, inspired and loving someone that i called, Dad. he always been the one that i turn to when i need someone. he's always been the one who show me that there is going to be a gentlemen for all of us who is not afraid for getting hurt. he's always been the one who makes me not afraid and loving something that i hate to do. he's always been the one who makes me proud of my self. he's always been the one who never insult or get mad for something that i do or make instead, he complement it and said to my mum and the rest family that i just make something that is good and make him proud even its not really that good.

i never thought he's going to passed away this fast (for me). the next day when i realised that he's gone for real, i just feel so lost in this big world. I tried to be strong, I tried not cry, but all i can feel is the heaviest thing that I ever carried on my chest. the heaviest thing that I feel in my throat, and the next thing i know, all I could is just cry. especially when I'm alone or in the middle of the night. All I can think is that the possibility to see my dad alive if we don't move to england and things like that. I still can't believe he's gone, from all of us, forever. its not like he leave us for some stupid work or holiday but he really leave us for another life up there. its hard for not having someone who has been the one who always sees the good in you and never the worst in you. i hate to see someone who is kind, patient, loving, caring, nice, optimistic person always gone and leave this fast. i don't know how my life going to be without him, its going to be as empty as a broke shells in the sea.. i can't wish for a better dad. a person like that can never be replace.

and in this moment, i only can say how disappointing 2011 in the end, its just overly painful. and how slow 2012 is. I guess ambil hikmah nya aja right? I can see who I can call as good friends, it showed me who really cared, it showed me who I can always count on.

but now i only can say that its good to see him rest in peace and not suffering from any sickness. and i only can say that how nice and sweet of you guys for the prayer and bbm and other stuff, my family and i really appreciate it. and in this moment, you guys can learn, maybe its time to show your love to your family, especially the one who is sometimes can be extremely annoying, that we called as parents. you never know what you had until its gone. i honestly didn't know that my dad will passed away, i believe that he's strong enough to fight his sickness, i haven't say sorry for everything that i said and do to him. but i know even i haven't say sorry and make him proud yet, he always love me and know how sorry i am and always been proud of me.

don't waste something or someone, you never know when they will gone for forever. saying sorry and i love you to them isn't that hard, so go to them and say that to them and just hug them and they won't ask you what do you want, they just know that you mean it.

p.s.: if you want to say it to someone that you love such as boyfriend or girlfriend or still your crush, don't.. unless they're worth it and deserve it :)

Thank you for reading my blog and may Dad Rest in Peace