EVERYTHING ALWAYS BECOMES TOO MUCH & YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH

I find myself at the edge of the cliff again
but do I have the strength,
not to fall
and not let it all go?

I find myself staring
at the blade
that always
touches my sorrow and ease the pain.

I find myself fighting
the demon inside,
once again.
it bleeds me dry.

I find myself crawling
back into the black void.
where are you?
where is god?

am I really destined
for all the pain?
I keep fighting. but for how long?
keep saving myself from myself. but for how long?

they think its alright,
they think I'm alright,
but the truth is
everything is

a mess.
and I'm a mess,
and because I'm tired,
people let you down

the world is a cruel place
where you can lose your soul in a blink of an eye,
and they thought I'm having
the time of my life.

pull me out,
I dare you.
carry me out,
I dare you.

try,
I dare you.
stay,
I dare you.

because
people leave
thats what they do.
always.

because
people expects you
to be okay
while they give it all up.

because
what I do in the shadows
are sometimes better
than what they can offer.

pray, so
my heart won't shred in pieces, so
my mind won't ignited, so
my soul won't go astray.

no thanks to mum,
no thanks to dad,
no thanks to god,
no thanks to you,

but i hope you understand,
if I never get better,
know that I always look
for all the light

I'm trying
not to surrender
but everything
always becomes too much

and you don't even try
but even if you do
your time is up,
you're not enough

so
lets just pretend, like we always do
that I'm okay
and that

we're okay
just pretend.
its such a waste,
i hope that you understand.

–C. L.