Is it over before it even began?

I want to laugh so hard on my face. I want to laugh so hard that I cry.

Yes, I blew it. I think. Its over before it even began. I think.
I don't know what happen. My mind is full of chaos. I was hoping he could give my mind serenity, instead, all he gave me is chaos through his silence.

Why?
Why can't he just say what is needed to be said?
At least, say something, I can't handle another day of silence.
So, you really don't want me, do you?
Its for your own good, I guess. You don't want to want me, as I have too many issues. I am too fucked up. You should look for someone who can heal you by just being there for you.
I don't want to stay unless you want me to stay. I won't ask you to enchant me with your sweet, sweet words, unless you want to say it. I don't want you say that you misses me, because I also said the same. I won't ask you to fight for me, unless you want to. As it would mean so much more if only you wish it.
I could stay if you want me to. I could wait until you're ready. I could keep on trying breaking down those walls. If only you want me to.

I will always want to touch your skin, your soul, and your mind. I will always wants to kiss your lips. I will always want to feel your arm wrap around my body. Due to all of this, is why I have to leave.

I want you. I want all of you; your brokenness, your lonely heart, your troubles, everything. I want more, I want too much of you hence I have to leave. I would love to stay a bit longer, but I don't think I can handle being emotionally destroyed because of wanting you and loving you.

If you see me shed a tear, it only means that I'm happy. I feel happy that I get a chance to ensure my feeling for you is real, and that its not only the thrill of the chase. And realising that I am still capable of giving and feeling love again, is marvellous. It means that there is still chance for me.

So, thank you. Thank you for making me feel again, after the last couple of years all I feel is despair, loneliness, and emptiness. Thank you for making me feel like a child again; making me feel happy. It really is brief, I know that I only feel the tip of it, but still, thank you. As promise, I will always be there for you, no matter what. You may sometimes forgot to ask, but if you need anything, please, just say the word.



P.s. don't be so cynical about love and don't feel so bitter about everything, life truly is have its ups and downs. I'm going to stay, because I would never in the slightest be able to give up on someone that I love, I do get tired of trying, but I will never give up. I really am tired though fighting for you, even though I know you're worth the pain. Even if you don't realised it, I did fought for you for 10 months and I just wish you would fight for me now.