One big question that people have asked you so many times in our life, especially when we were a kid: "What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

and other people, even yourself, starting to wondering and thinking, "what will I be when i grow up?" or "am I going to achieve that? is it even possible?" or in my case, all i could think about, "is it going to change my life? is it going to be exciting? ...is it going to make me happy?"

we could never ask anyone about our choices, because in the end, we all actually know what we want it to do with our lives, we just scared to say it out loud. we also scared what other people might say about your choices, or your dream.

we think that there is always gonna be something more. we think we could get something that we might deserve. but we've been lying to our self, we think we could and we will get something that we deserve, when all we want's something that we want, not what we get, or not what we need. but what can we say? Everybody lies.

Everybody lies, even to themselves. as example, i lie to myself that i am not tired and i will still get enough sleep for tomorrow or i lie to myself that i look good even when i'm not just to make myself think that i deserve better from everybody else.

but seriously, all we need and that we think we deserve is happiness. who the hell wants to be miserable?? but why do you want to be happy when you can be normal? or at least be extraordinary so you can be more happy than miserable.

we want things to change because we think somethings good will come, we think that you could finally be happy, but when things already change all you can think about is, "why the hell do i want things to change when that moment was like the time of my life?" and all you can wish is to go back to that moment, but i'm sorry, even extraordinary people still could feel regret. so does the obvious one, the ordinary one. but people forget that, there is other people who feel the same. instead of trying to make ourselves happy or trying to get better, we just think that we deserve it because we dont appreciate that moment and think that we are alone is this big world, that we do deserve to be miserable.

changes is good and things change for a reason. you can't stand it, but you have to face it no matter what. there is no right or wrong, there is only "what we want but we don't need it", "what we need but we don't want it" or we could try to find things that we want and things that we need. the key is never stop trying, because choices that we make always have risks and we only regret things that we don't take when deep inside you want that so badly you just didn't know if you will make the right choices or not. but what can we say? we're just a human.

Cynthia Clara, xxx