Saturday, November 22, 2014

-TODAY SESSION-

Anger, fear, happiness and forgiveness was the main topic of today session. My therapist used to asked God, "God, why do you force us to forgive? How do we forgive? Its the hardest thing to do and you know it." Now I'm asking the same thing.

I keep saying that I don't want to be angry or afraid all the time and anymore, I know feeling hurt, that pain sometimes is the thing that makes us feel alive most. But what if I want to be happy? What if I want to make happiness the thing that makes me feel alive? What should I do? Should I make my own happiness project? Should I quit everything that I do and just travel around the world, seeking love? When the answer was just forgive. But its hard as fuck.

Sometimes feeling blessed and forgiving is so different, that if you didn't do the forgiving part, your past will still dragging you down. All my therapist kept on saying was, "if you want to be happy, lose all of that anger. Forgive. Try a way to forgive. Its the hardest thing to do, but you will liberate yourself from all the negative emotion you are feeling." But how can you forgive someone who awfully wronged you? Do you wait for them to say sorry to you? Do you wait till you say, "this is it. Today is the day I will forgive that person."? When is it?

People make mistakes, but when they did it over and over again, is it still a mistake?
How can you forgive someone who wronged you when they feel no remorse about it?
How the fuck can you open your heart and forgive?
Why the fuck bad things seem to keep on happening to you? Why does it have to be this bad? What strengths must I develop further from this? The strength to forgive? Is that it?

There are probably tons of moments in our lives when we feel afraid, hurting, angry or confused. We know that the choices we make in those moment will define us. But when you're faced with the unknown or when you something significant will happen to you if you make any decision, either it will lead you to the righteous path or it will you to an unjust path, some of us afraid to choose we decide to choose not to do anything about it, or just turn our back on the issue. I'm facing one of those moment right now, and I may not know how to really forgive someone, because forgiveness is a promise, not a feeling. When you forgive other people, you are making a promise not to use their past sin against them and I cannot do that yet but I know one thing; not doing anything about it is also making a decision and I know that I need to rise above myself and forgive those who've hurt me. All I need to do is find the right answer or probably the right question and find a way to forgive. Yeah....easier to be said than done.

Forgive.
Its good for the soul, they said.

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