Timing and more life complication: is a bitch.

You know how they all said that we have to keep fighting for the one that we love? How they said that you should never let go of someone that you really love, instead if you think that they're worth a whole lot to you, you should never let them go and always fight for them.

Sometimes the problem of loving someone is timing; both of you got the chemistry, but the timing wasn't right and just like John Mayer said in his interview back in 2010, he said, "Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?"

Yes, timing is a bitch.

What's more maddening is that I have this questions in my mind that keeps popping up, it says that, "What is it that you have to do to keep the one that you love? How do I know if he's worth it enough? What if I let this all go when years and years later, when we see each other again, all of my instinct that saying right now he also liked me and that I should just fight for him was right, but I let it all go just because everyone is saying that I really need to let this go and I really should," and I have zero clue what to do next.

Don't tell me that just because I'm a girl, I can't chase after what I want. I mean, hello! this is 2014, without us girls chasing after what we want back in 1848, we won't have women's right by now.

I know by now I'm probably starting get on your nerve for talking so much about love and love and love and love. Its just that I don't fall in love that much and once I get a chance have a glimpse at love's face after all this time, its very troubling hence I froze and did the most regrettable thing to do: walking away. But then I walk right back in, realizing that it was too late.

The love. Ugh I sounded so hopeless romantic, but the love that I am trying to get into is like playing games. The both of us playing games to see if we're actually noticing that the other is agitating due to the other one is trying not to look as if they're care and feeling whatever we feelings. This is so distressful. I don't even know if all of that theory nonsense is real or just my feelings and I was wrong. I guess we'll never know if its true or if I'm just imagining it.

So many facial expression that I make whilst writing this. Well, I make a lot of facial expression every time I wrote something.

I guess it can be true (the theory nonsense) since we're almost too alike, and since I have never really express my true feelings for him if there was sparks between us and he has been trying (even though not hard enough. duh.) to make me realized that there was, well, is a spark, then if I was him I'll be doing the same thing to me.

But may I just add that this is the worst game I've ever play and trust me, I know a lot of substandard games even though I rarely play games, so yeah I know. So back to the question, how do I know if he's worth my time? I know that I have this feelings telling me that I should just keep trying. Just keep trying to break down all of those wall around him. At least if it didn't work out, I might still can get an explanation of what happened between us, more specifically what happened to him. And at least, I tried and I will not regret my decision of not trying in the future.

I can give you so many reasons to why I want to be the one who fights for love, but I will tell you this, I am a women, yes. I am very impatient, yes. Therefore, if I have to do nothing for another second, I will die because of all of the conversation in my head trying to figure it out everything; from my next move and figuring out what really happen and what really is going on. I will probably literally die because of it, well, at least get myself into a loony-bin or asylum, that is the worst case scenario. So yes, I will go after what I want, but all of that doesn't make me desperate because I don't feel desperate. And yes, it is okay to go after what you want, all you need to have is confidence: to do it and doing it. Hence no one can mock you if anything goes wrong.

If... I still think about him constantly until I finish all of my exams, then I might really go after what I want. But if not, all I can say is that timing really is a bitch and we should never have played this stupid game, we should just talk it out instead. But again, timing is a big fat bitch.