Happy Fasting/Ramadhan + check out my Ask.fm!

Oh wow, its been quite a while since i wrote something in here, isn't it? Oh well, here I am. Back again.

Anyway, the main thing that i wanna say going to this blog is just to say, happy fasting for those who celebrate it and hopefully we have all the things that we need and this month will bring us even closer to Allah than before.

Also, I've just read my last post. oh my god. i sounded very pathetic. hahahah!! i can't even say anything. but well anyway, I've gone through it. I've gone through last month. that's the most important thing isn't it? that i survived? hahah. So yeah, this also means that I've finished my middle school. hmm, when i say middle school, i feel like I've just waste my time in middle school, like it never finished (cs 2 years ago i just graduated from junior high, its almost the same thing right?) anyway, next month my GCSE results will come out, and I'm pretty sure I did real bad on those and I feel like crying and I haven't even see it. Its so goddamn Sccaaaarrrryyyyyyy. The point is, I'm so scared of the results I just don't even wanna receive it.

Enough with the school talk, its summer youuu guysss. hopefully that you're having as much fun as I am, even though I feel like my summer haven't started yet. This feels more like.. a warm up. but yeah, you know what i mean anyway; I did a lot of shopping, I seriously mean A lot. and I think we're going to London again on monday to go the Harry Potter Studio and probably going to my Dad's grave. Yeah, its my Dad 70th birthday this sunday. I know right, he's old. hahaha. I had like this ideas inside my head for my dad, like a gift for his birthday or something, that i know my dad would loved it. yeah, i know it cs i don't know, i just feel like we sometimes think alike and like same thing i guess.

I know that I talked about random stuff all the time, but thank you for those who ACTUALLY read my blog, its very... sweet. because, i don't really think that anyone, i literally mean anyone that actually read my blog but thanks! hahaha. anyway, its like half past 3 here, i'm like really tired but i just ate so I've gotta stay awake for a little while, but I think I'm gonna sit my blog down for awhile, again. Don't miss me. hahaha, once again, happy fasting for those who celebrate Ramadhan!

Oh, and don't forget to check out and ask me on my ask.fm/cynthiaclaraa !


Lots of love,
Cynthia Clara,
xxxx

After a lot of thinking and researching for someone who i can talk to about my problems and shit unimportant issues, I finally come to my senses and decided to talk about it in here (and so that someone that I will talk to will not think I'm such a pathetic whining girl)

so anyway, its been really a stressful months, and next month would be more stressful than this and I have no idea how to cope with it, I think I'm about to go crazy. This whole thing with my school, education, family blablabla, are just the whole main reasons why I just want to shoot myself in the head.

I know that I'm not alone in here, in England or even in this world (I know right, how pathetic you think I am, even I think I'm pretty pathetic right now), but i just feel like I'm all alone. Since my dad died, since I've moved down here, everything just change without including me in it, even though its kind of a part of my life too. they just sort of change without me knowing, its like I'm on this journey, in this kind of bubble and I thought I've only inside this bubble for a day when I've been inside of it for almost 2 years now.

I know, blahblahblah. but don't you ever feel like that? like ever?

I don't know why I'm angry all the time. it feels like I'm angry with my dad for being dead, and I feel like I'm angry with everyone for changing themselves. But the one that I'm really angry at is myself.

I want things to be perfect, I want them to be exactly like what I want, no missing details. I want to do that, do this, buy that, sell that. I want too much things. There is just too much things going on in this world, and there is too much things going on inside of my head.

But all i need is a friend. who is good enough to just listen and be there to even listen about my stupid problems. But everyone is just busy with their life, they even too busy to remember their friend. even just for a talk.

I'm just so mad at everyone. I'm just so mad at myself. But all I need is a friend to talk to.


Lots of love,
Cynthia Clara,
xxxx

Inspiring MasterChef USA Audition (Season 3 Episode 1) - Christine Ha: B...

This is a very inspiring thing to watch, gosh. I am crying so hard watching this :""))

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN!!!!!!

Okay. i know this is like my second year in England, but still i somehow still could not getting used to it with me being very very geek and so nerdy.

you know what happen -- i mean we all been there -- when you dont have any boyfriend or someone (lame) all you did was spending all your time with your friends or being very anti-social and just stay at home, probably studying and focusing more on your education -- which is good, but also have a disadvantages too, as example, you will turn to be a very boring, depressing person and the next thing you know, you just can't be bothered to study and feeling like burning all your books -- and yeah, it is pretty boring. it gets even when you don't have a lot of activities to do.

Sometimes, there is just one of those days when i want to turn my life around but just don't know how. or there is just one of those days when you want more from yourself, but you're too fucked up to even think what was wrong with you. or there is just one of those days when you watch romance movies and it somehow just brings up your feelings for someone in your past, which is sucks since you're not in the same country anymore, and it gets even when they're not talking to you like you used to and.. that someone had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Can it even get more worse than that?

i know it has been a long time since i wrote something in my blog, but really, i thought my blog was getting boring and lame, well i still think it IS though. triple lol. but here i am writing in my blog again. i guess, no matter how sucks drama is in our life, we still needed one, well the good drama anyway -- such as you know, boys drama -- cuz without it, look what i have become, pretty much a depressing, boring person.

I don't know what i want anymore or what i needed. i pretty much giving up trying. I, well sort of, gave up trying to get thin and tall. Then i gave up studying, next week is going to be exams week, i mean its just a mock, but if i didn't study it is kinda like screwing up my GCSE but eff-- studying. Especially music, its confusing as hell.

Well anyway I still know what i want, I just don't know if i still could keep up with all of the stuff that i have to do to get it. and life will always goes on, so i couldn't really wasting my time not doing anything, God I'm such a big thinker, I know.

hm, btw my bday's coming up (no one care cynth) lol, and since my sister sort of already gave me my pre-gift bday (it was the xx ticket's concert) and i was thinking about selling it again for michael buble. haa i know you guys probably think like "what the hell" or something, its just that i like Buble more than the xx, just saying hahaha.

anyway, got to go, bye!

Lots of love, 

Cynthia Clara, xxx

Orbital - Beached

Reading List!!!

Alright. My summer so far is quite boring but anyway, i want to share my reading (probably for this summer-winter) list. If you do like fiction and/or psychology etc, I think you might want to check it out as well, especially if you do like fiction. Bare in mind that I have only read some of them since I haven't had the chance to buy or borrow some from the library. But you can still check it out in goodreads and buy or borrow it from the library to read:

1. Moon Over Manifest by Clare Vanderpool
2. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
3. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
4. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
5. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto by Chuck Klosterman
6. Better than running at night by Hillary Frank
7. The Death of The Heart by Elizabeth Bowen
8. Under The Dome by Stephen King
9. 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
10. She's come undone by Wally Lamb
11. The Egypt Game (series book) By Zilpha Keatley Snyder
12. The World To Come by Dara Horn
13. Turn of Mind by Alive LaPlante
14. The Stranger's Child by Alan Hollinghurst
15. Rocky Road bye Rose Kent
16. Anatomy of a Disappearance by Hisham Matar
17. Consciousness explained by Danielle C. Dennett 
18. A Portrait of The Brain by Adam Zeman
19. Into The Silent Land by Paul Broks
20. Mirroring People by Marco Iacoboni

I obviously wont buy all of them like this month or maybe not even next month, but i have some of it though. I think most of them are fun for a light reading, and hopefully you guys like it if you do read some of it. Have a nice day!

Cynthia Clara, xxx

Best House, M.D. Joke

This is how much i love house, well i love Hugh Laurie, i think he's one of the most talented person, i start liking him because of how he always play guitar or piano in house, he's a talented musician. i haven't finish watching it but hopefully i have some time to finish it. Anyway, this is one of my favorite part/scene of House, M.D.