To love someone and to have that same someone loves you back is the greatest feelings in the world. But along the way, somebody out of the two or both out of the love forgets to treat each other right. We test each other not to see if they would do the right thing, but instead, we test their boundaries and how much they would tolerate if we cross it. We chose to jeopardise the love that was so great and beautiful, for having access to a past love that should have stayed in the past a long time ago.
When you hurt somebody, no matter how long ago you inflicted those pain to them, you don't get to tell them to just "get over it". You can't just say to them, "yes, I admitted to you that I wronged you. I let you humiliate me in front of everyone. But I'm getting sick of you whining about the pain I've caused you, so what if you're still bleeding? I will make you feel that you have to apologise for the pain that I caused you. Because this is long enough." You don't get to say that. In that person's life, for that story and for that pain, you are the villain in their life. It is like breaking a glass then taking a long time to clean it up and doesn't put up signs saying, "watch out for broken glass," then when somebody stepped on it you yelled at them even though they are the one in pain and bleeding. Both person are in pain; one from the guilt of inflicting the pain on the other, one from bleeding because of the pain inflicted on them.
You have no business in dictating how long a person heals from a pain you inflicted. They're not holding grudges because if they do, they will try and inflict the same thing to you. If they do no such thing, then it is not. But then again, we cannot dictate how other people's feels. Both people become the victim of each other's pain and sins. What do yo do in those situation but remove yourself? What else would be the logical thing to heal a relationships between two hearts that is caught up in their own pain and self?
At the end of the day, you cannot control how people feel and think about you. Just like I cannot control in how people would react to a story that I wrote. I can only control in what I wrote, who I wrote, where I wrote it and where I chose to have it. That is a lot of control to have. But the rest is out of my control. However, a voice can only be muted down if we let it. I can only write how a story are or how a person are from my frame of reference. If how I see a story or a person is not how you see it, we can only agree to disagree. If you want me to see you differently, then act and do things differently. It is not my fault that if from my frame of reference you fail to live up to your authentic self.
There is a saying that I often say to others, "what you see is what you get." Because privacy also means transparency. If your privacy harm someone else, that is secrecy. I get to have privacy because I am transparent in who I am; authentic in who I am. My reality becomes the standard you use to predict my potentials. Because if my reality is not as good as my potential, how can you be sure to invest yourself in me? But, I would also tell you that you have the option to not invest in me because I'm not going to invest back in you. This transparency is what allows me to have privacy in life. Because whether it is out of arrogance or not, I have a say and the rights to have a say in who I let into my life and whom I chose to keep. You have to earn a certain rights to reach a certain level of my life. This transparency allows me to invest in you, support you and gamble everything of my life. But this transparency helped me learn my worth and to walk away gracefully from something that does not willing to do the same.
-C.L.
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