Monday, January 30, 2017

DEPRIVATION

From the brink of existence
life spills over,
you started collecting all the pieces
that are once again shattered— withering.

You started to look at him
through poetry.
Because staring him in the eye
feels too bitter, and it wrings your heart. 

The good and the broken things are showing itself in silence.
You are every shades of blue, that aches
that only recognised violent
that forgot tenderness. 

Because sometimes, it's not about brimming in confidence.
Sometimes, you just need help to remember
as you tend to forget about all the good things—
it's nice to remember, doesn't it?

But you're just a girl,
strangling out the flowers,
that stinks with desperation and loneliness,
inhaling the bittersweet scent of love.

Too much of your time is spent looking for love 
in all the empty places, 
in all the wrong people,
at the wrong time.

(It never seems to be the right one.)
The earth started to laughs in flowers,
you started to pray so hard your bones break.
You understand, but you don't— maybe you never will.

Friday, January 13, 2017

THE IMMENSE PERPLEXITY OF A BROKEN BEINGS

a subtle kind of fear,
a subtle kind of insanity
hidden beneath a lifetime of masks.
there are cries of a wasted, forgotten beings

being muffled by the world.
what is left is just blood—
blood and broken poems,
and broken minds.

the walls are trembling and bleeding out,
as i tried to set free of all the burdens i've been carrying
by knocking the doors of heaven down
one poem at a time.

yet there is a normalcy of being wounded,
because we are perplexed by gentleness and tender beings.
silence is a shattered glass you carry within
as it became the craved intimacy.

but oh, how unfortunate
that not many hearts can see
there is a resonate grace in wreckage,
how unfortunate.

if only they are willing to go in.
if only they are willing to stay...

—C.L.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

THOUGHTS THAT WANDER, GUIDING WHAT'S UNEXPLAINABLE WITHIN

This month has been the month of emotional-rollercoaster. So many unnecessary distraction. It becomes undeniable that I've been feeling rather.. lost, uninspired, and disconnected from so many things this year but more so these last couple of months, that it becomes rather distracting and distressing, also concerning if i may add. Then there is this problem with writer's block, where i simply cannot write about anything as there are not much that is worth writing about.
Currently, I have been obsessing (if you want to call it that) over reading and gaining knowledge on buddhism and their few on loss and grief, also once again on the subject of "intuition" and "empaths". It has come to my attention that though i might want to close myself up when it comes to anything that is unexplainable by science, I have to try to open my mind up because there might be a chance such phenomenon is real. At least, in some way. Life could become rather interesting if it is. Because I believe it does.


in▪tu▪i▪tion
noun

     the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.


Intuition is the result of the way our brains store, process, and retrieve information on a subconscious level. There are many recorded incidences where intuition prevented catastrophes and cases of remarkable recoveries when doctors followed their gut feelings. It is believed that people experience true intuition when they are under severe time pressure or in a situation of information overload or acute danger, where conscious analysis of the situation may be difficult or impossible.

Albert Einstein once said, "the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." I believe that our intuition is this powerful and useful little piece of us. But more so than I said in the previous paragraph, I believe that if we use it often, it will grow stronger and become more accurate. Like other things, it will of course need time. But only if we are patience enough, and I do believe that it's worth it. Yes, it can be a curse and a gift but if you work through it and enhance our intuition, it can be more of a gift rather than a curse. But most people are too "rational" nowadays and that most of them can't handle it as they find intuition as "too much." I think there should be a balance in everything we do in our life; it's good to be rational, but sometimes we should also trust our intuition. The reason why a lot of people find intuition as too much is because instead of trusting their own intuition, they tend to question it some more trying to rationalised it. In this situation, it's okay to think about the consequence of following our intuition, but sometimes, it better to just do what it asks you to do. I know, I know. I'm talking about intuition as if it's something real and alive and the skeptics might think this is a lot of rubbish, but it is not.

It took me years to get a handle of my intuition and reading better into it so yes, like I said before, intuitions get better with practice —especially with a lot of practice— because at bottom, intuition is about the brain's ability to pick up a certain recurring patterns; so the more we are exposed to a particular domain of activity the more familiar we become with the relevant patterns, and the more and faster our brains generate heuristic solutions to the problem we happen to be facing with that domain. But the most important thing that I learned through out the year, if you're the intuitive empaths (of some sort, if you want to label it) and you want to control, to see it as more of a gift than a curse also to find balance, you need to stop seeing "people" (or the object of it) as a problem. Accept it as a gift, then it will become a gift.




Apologies about the rambling and the badly written chosen subject but i have been having the need to write something and more on these subjects. I hope you enjoy that and find it somewhat educational.

Merry Christmas and happy New Year,
The Law Family. x



p.s. you can also read some more on empaths by clicking the words empaths and it will direct you to two different website. 

Monday, December 26, 2016

REQUIEM

How can the light goes in
if there isn't even a crack?
How can you let anything in
when the walls are completely blocked off?

All the words are being kept
in a small cramped dark space inside of you;
a bluebird that you kept hidden
a bluebird that you teach to keep quiet.

Yet the voices under all the silences
dares you not to feel, only think.
But time, like some things,
aren't ours to hold: (there is something familiar about this.)

Some things felt good, but never felt right—
it doesn't elevate the soul.
To let go, could be the right thing.
But to fight and to try again, is courageous.

Because words are powerful forces of nature
but silence, too, speaks volume.
Some things can live silently, slowly crumbling
but reborn, at the sight of

a resonance smile; on the sight of a crack.
Because that is how the light gets in.
Do it fiercely before you break slowly, and
ever so gently


—C.L.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

i've been having a craving—call it a desire, if you must
it's the desire to have a deep connection and conversation with someone
the desire to be able to talk for hours with someone about anything and everything and all feels right
the desire to be stared at like the most intricate and annihilating painting ever seen
the desire to be written like a seductive yet the sweetest poem
the desire for my soul to be fed
the desire to be kissed underneath the porch light
the desire to feel
the desire for my silence to be understood
the desire to become someone's fire and magic
the desire to accidentally found and have an epic kind of love; a fortunate stroke of serendipity
the desire to become the only thing someone think about at 4am and throughout the day
the desire to be read without anyone ripping the sad, ugly pages of me apart.
i have the desire to be desired and to feel desired






but they say you can't always get what you want in life
and i think that's fucking bullshit.

Friday, June 24, 2016

R.T. 5 - UNPLUGGING FROM THE INTERNET... Or at least, I should try.

Due to recent event (Great Britain leaving The EU, which makes it not so great, to be perfectly honest), I'm going back to my old self where I tuned out about what's going on in the world, as it seems to be doing a perfectly good job fucking shit up by its own. I'm just going to be over here, reading about all types of sciences and reading about some magical lands with magical beings, those are bliss. But politics? The stuff of nightmares, they are. I mean, I honestly don't want to be ignorant about it but i think it would be better if I'm doing, even the smallest things that can be done, without involving politics in the things I'm doing and will be doing. I never liked it in my entire (almost) 20 years of existence, though it's always there. I never understood it, the world is pretty much already fucked up without it, since the world is probably dominated by ignorants, the stupid, and the lazy. So I guess, what the hell? I'm "unplugging" from this stuff of nightmares, though I will probably still going to keep trying to educate myself as much as possible about a lot of things without feeling as much pain and helplessness by reading too much from the internet.

Monday, June 20, 2016

R.T. 4 - NO MORE WORDS, EARS, AND ENERGY LEFT TO SPARE

Honestly though, people talk way too much and internet encourages it, and this is coming from someone who talks too much—either its true, or I'm a really shitty, selfish person. There is a time and place to talk about your love life, school, problems etc, and its not ALL THE TIME.

You're lonely? Fine, but don't come running to me. I'm the opposite of comfort. 
You're sad? Okay. I don't know if I can be much help, but okay. 
You're broken-hearted? Okay, this is starting to get ridiculous. I mean, come on. What am I? Some love-doctor? Obviously not. 
You feel like shit? Well, wrong move coming to me. Its sugar-coating free zone here, folks.
You're angry? Unless its because of me, please go away. I have enough problems to take care of other than your so called drama. 
You're bored and wanting some small talks? If you're coming to me, how stupid can you be? I hate small talks. I'm just honestly tired of talking, and I probably find you really, really annoying. So please, I'm begging you to stop and go away, because I'm seriously considering charging people for listening to their so called problems and giving them my advice, time and energy. 

(I'm a crappy friend, I've warned you and you've known that already)

It might not look like it but I do have a life, you know. Your life isn't a priority, mine is. You can come and talk to me, but don't expect any answers. It's something you need to find yourself. Because now, I no longer have words to give and no ears, and energy left to spare. 

So maybe, for the time being, I'll deal with my problems and you'll deal with yours. It'll honestly spare me some kindness and spare you some heartaches. 

I am one goddamn selfish, and rude human being, deal with it.