THOUGHTS THAT WANDER, GUIDING WHAT'S UNEXPLAINABLE WITHIN

This month has been the month of emotional-rollercoaster. So many unnecessary distraction. It becomes undeniable that I've been feeling rather.. lost, uninspired, and disconnected from so many things this year but more so these last couple of months, that it becomes rather distracting and distressing, also concerning if i may add. Then there is this problem with writer's block, where i simply cannot write about anything as there are not much that is worth writing about.
Currently, I have been obsessing (if you want to call it that) over reading and gaining knowledge on buddhism and their few on loss and grief, also once again on the subject of "intuition" and "empaths". It has come to my attention that though i might want to close myself up when it comes to anything that is unexplainable by science, I have to try to open my mind up because there might be a chance such phenomenon is real. At least, in some way. Life could become rather interesting if it is. Because I believe it does.


in▪tu▪i▪tion
noun

     the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.


Intuition is the result of the way our brains store, process, and retrieve information on a subconscious level. There are many recorded incidences where intuition prevented catastrophes and cases of remarkable recoveries when doctors followed their gut feelings. It is believed that people experience true intuition when they are under severe time pressure or in a situation of information overload or acute danger, where conscious analysis of the situation may be difficult or impossible.

Albert Einstein once said, "the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." I believe that our intuition is this powerful and useful little piece of us. But more so than I said in the previous paragraph, I believe that if we use it often, it will grow stronger and become more accurate. Like other things, it will of course need time. But only if we are patience enough, and I do believe that it's worth it. Yes, it can be a curse and a gift but if you work through it and enhance our intuition, it can be more of a gift rather than a curse. But most people are too "rational" nowadays and that most of them can't handle it as they find intuition as "too much." I think there should be a balance in everything we do in our life; it's good to be rational, but sometimes we should also trust our intuition. The reason why a lot of people find intuition as too much is because instead of trusting their own intuition, they tend to question it some more trying to rationalised it. In this situation, it's okay to think about the consequence of following our intuition, but sometimes, it better to just do what it asks you to do. I know, I know. I'm talking about intuition as if it's something real and alive and the skeptics might think this is a lot of rubbish, but it is not.

It took me years to get a handle of my intuition and reading better into it so yes, like I said before, intuitions get better with practice —especially with a lot of practice— because at bottom, intuition is about the brain's ability to pick up a certain recurring patterns; so the more we are exposed to a particular domain of activity the more familiar we become with the relevant patterns, and the more and faster our brains generate heuristic solutions to the problem we happen to be facing with that domain. But the most important thing that I learned through out the year, if you're the intuitive empaths (of some sort, if you want to label it) and you want to control, to see it as more of a gift than a curse also to find balance, you need to stop seeing "people" (or the object of it) as a problem. Accept it as a gift, then it will become a gift.




Apologies about the rambling and the badly written chosen subject but i have been having the need to write something and more on these subjects. I hope you enjoy that and find it somewhat educational.

Merry Christmas and happy New Year,
The Law Family. x



p.s. you can also read some more on empaths by clicking the words empaths and it will direct you to two different website. 

REQUIEM

How can the light goes in
if there isn't even a crack?
How can you let anything in
when the walls are completely blocked off?

All the words are being kept
in a small cramped dark space inside of you;
a bluebird that you kept hidden
a bluebird that you teach to keep quiet.

Yet the voices under all the silences
dares you not to feel, only think.
But time, like some things,
aren't ours to hold: (there is something familiar about this.)

Some things felt good, but never felt right—
it doesn't elevate the soul.
To let go, could be the right thing.
But to fight and to try again, is courageous.

Because words are powerful forces of nature
but silence, too, speaks volume.
Some things can live silently, slowly crumbling
but reborn, at the sight of

a resonance smile; on the sight of a crack.
Because that is how the light gets in.
Do it fiercely before you break slowly, and
ever so gently


—C.L.

i've been having a craving—call it a desire, if you must
it's the desire to have a deep connection and conversation with someone
the desire to be able to talk for hours with someone about anything and everything and all feels right
the desire to be stared at like the most intricate and annihilating painting ever seen
the desire to be written like a seductive yet the sweetest poem
the desire for my soul to be fed
the desire to be kissed underneath the porch light
the desire to feel
the desire for my silence to be understood
the desire to become someone's fire and magic
the desire to accidentally found and have an epic kind of love; a fortunate stroke of serendipity
the desire to become the only thing someone think about at 4am and throughout the day
the desire to be read without anyone ripping the sad, ugly pages of me apart.
i have the desire to be desired and to feel desired






but they say you can't always get what you want in life
and i think that's fucking bullshit.

R.T. 5 - UNPLUGGING FROM THE INTERNET... Or at least, I should try.

Due to recent event (Great Britain leaving The EU, which makes it not so great, to be perfectly honest), I'm going back to my old self where I tuned out about what's going on in the world, as it seems to be doing a perfectly good job fucking shit up by its own. I'm just going to be over here, reading about all types of sciences and reading about some magical lands with magical beings, those are bliss. But politics? The stuff of nightmares, they are. I mean, I honestly don't want to be ignorant about it but i think it would be better if I'm doing, even the smallest things that can be done, without involving politics in the things I'm doing and will be doing. I never liked it in my entire (almost) 20 years of existence, though it's always there. I never understood it, the world is pretty much already fucked up without it, since the world is probably dominated by ignorants, the stupid, and the lazy. So I guess, what the hell? I'm "unplugging" from this stuff of nightmares, though I will probably still going to keep trying to educate myself as much as possible about a lot of things without feeling as much pain and helplessness by reading too much from the internet.

R.T. 4 - NO MORE WORDS, EARS, AND ENERGY LEFT TO SPARE

Honestly though, people talk way too much and internet encourages it, and this is coming from someone who talks too much—either its true, or I'm a really shitty, selfish person. There is a time and place to talk about your love life, school, problems etc, and its not ALL THE TIME.

You're lonely? Fine, but don't come running to me. I'm the opposite of comfort. 

You're sad? Okay. I don't know if I can be much help, but okay. 

You're broken-hearted? Okay, this is starting to get ridiculous. I mean, come on. What am I? Some love-doctor? Obviously not. 

You feel like shit? Well, wrong move coming to me. Its sugar-coating free zone here, folks.

You're angry? Unless its because of me, please go away. I have enough problems to take care of other than your so called drama. 

You're bored and wanting some small talks? If you're coming to me, how stupid can you be? I hate small talks. I'm just honestly tired of talking, and I probably find you really, really annoying. So please, I'm begging you to stop and go away, because I'm seriously considering charging people for listening to their so called problems and giving them my advice, time and energy. 

(I'm a crappy friend, I've warned you and you've known that already)

It might not look like it but I do have a life, you know. Your life isn't a priority, mine is. You can come and talk to me, but don't expect any answers. It's something you need to find yourself. Because now, I no longer have words to give and no ears, and energy left to spare. 

So maybe, for the time being, I'll deal with my problems and you'll deal with yours. It'll honestly spare me some kindness and spare you some heartaches. 

I am one goddamn selfish, and rude human being, deal with it. 

PRAY FOR ORLANDO

Words fails. Heartbroken, devastated and disgusted doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. All I see is human being being injured and killed because of who they choose to love. My heart goes out to the LGBT community, especially to those who are killed and injured in recent event of evil, and their friends and family and all involved in another senseless act of evil. This needs to end! Don't let hate win, don't let hate dominate our world, let's stop this together!

TAKING A STAND: "LET'S END LIFE SENTENCES FOR THE SURVIVORS AND START LIFE SENTENCES FOR THE CRIMINALS"

After months and months of studying, I took this week (and maybe also next week) off from studying. Since I wasn't studying, I found myself having a free time that could be use to do things other than reading or watching movies. But I ended up reading anyway. I read tons and tons of articles from Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, and then I finally start reading tons of article from Thought Catalogue when I stumbled upon a compilation of articles and writings about the rapist, Brock Turner case—here is the link, you can download the pdf for free. If you don't know who Brock Allen Turner is, I suggest you look him up but I will promise you by the end of it you'll feel so enraged and all you want to do is beat the shit out of this kinds of people, even those who can't even do their job right like the Judge.

The flaws in the system and the damage rape culture causes the society is enraging, I am filled with furious anger and disgust. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there. No matter how much you were drinking that night, no matter what you were wearing, no is NO. Survivors should know that what they went through is a big deal and they should not be or feel like they are being punished for something that someone did to them.

Rape and sexual assault are something that affect both men and women, but right now I will be focusing on this woman and this one man convicted of three sexual assault felonies. What others don't understand that the perpetuator will be sentence a minimum of 14 years or more if they are found guilty but there is also a chance where they are not found guilty and in Brock Turner case, the sentence might be reduced from 6 months to 3 months because of 'good behaviour' and the reason he was only sentence for 6 months in the first place was because he was a 'good' athlete and because the judge justify that a longer sentence would "have a sever impact on him" and his father thinks that the '20 minutes of his action' out of 20 plus year of his life should not altered his life forever—as it should—and though the sentence was reduced, his so call father said it was still 'a steep price to pay.' I mean, come on! Boohoo, Poor Brock can't eat steak because he feel depressed. Well, Boohoo he no longer a student in Stanford. And he feel sad and depressed isn't because he raped somebody, it wasn't because he did something wrong, it was because he thinks he is the victim. Well I guess that's that. I guess you can be athletic and talented and I guess smart, and intelligent, but he has zero moral compass. Piece of shit. And what they—especially the Turner's, in this case—forget to think about is the victim or the survivor as I would call her. 

Her life is altered forever. She may not be conscious at the time to remember every single detail of it, but she will always be reminded of that night. Though she might look fine, but she will always be in constant fear, never feel safe. Years from now, she will still be in fear and she might even have flashbacks that would broke her to pieces. She'd feel so impure, and so filthy, she'd wish she could crawl out of her skin. 

The survivors might think how they could have stop it; from they could've have said no louder, fight the perpetuator, or the could have run. But sometimes, in situation like this, we could scream, or fight, or flight, but sometimes, we were so shocked and all we can do is just stood there. But in this case, she was already unconscious. She was even more powerless. She can't even say a whole sentence that make sense, let alone fight him or make a run for it.

So as a woman, a person, and for heaven's sake, as a human being, I am taking a stand. I'll stand with women—and men—around the world: no more rape, no more sexual assault, no more abuse and sexual violence. This is one of the very crucial issue in society and in the world, and we should keep the discussion going because one of the thing that we learned from the survivors is that speaking out is important and words can make a hell of a difference. So let's end life sentences for the survivors and start life sentences for the perpetuator—for the criminals. And let's hope to God that the Justice System anywhere in the world would be fixed so that no matter what their gender is, or their skin color, or how privileged they are, they would be sentence accordingly and justly.